I'm a 41 year old, stay at home mom of 3 who has always felt fat. I have never had much self-esteem. Never felt comfortable in social situations. I was bullied on the bus in middle school because of the glasses I wore.
(Gotta love the 80s)
From that time on, I've always been so self-conscious about the way I look. I even ran across a picture I took of myself when I was about 22 years old. It was my "Start" picture. What bothers me the most is that I wish I looked like that now. I wonder what my life would be like if I actually liked myself back then. But I do realize I wouldn't be where I am today without that part of my past - you know my hubby and kids - and I'm OK with that. But I never really lost any real weight. Just slowly gained weight as time went on.
(This isn't the exact "start" picture but it's the same time period. I wish I loved myself then.)
I met my husband through AOL. Remember when you'd get those CD's in the mail for a free trial of their internet service. I was totally into hockey at that time. The Denver Grizzlies started my love and then they moved back to Utah and Colorado got the Avalanche in 1995. I discovered that AOL had a hockey chat room. I'd basically be a stalker and just read the conversations. I would get too nervous to actually type something to join in on the conversation. My heart would race and I'd get all anxious. I found that the Chicago Blackhawk fans were always the rudest. So when the Avalanche beat the Blackhawks out of the Stanley Cup playoffs I quickly jumped online to actually give a "ha ha" shout-out to those rude fans. Well, no one was there. Go figure, I get the nerve but no one to give hell to. Then just before I signed off I got this Instant Message asking me who won the game. I proudly announced that the Avs were moving onto the next round of playoffs. He was so pissed, especially knowing the player (Sandis Ozolinsh) was the one who made the winning goal. He used to play for his favorite team - San Jose Sharks. We bantered back and forth for a bit and next thing you know I'm packing up my bags and moving to California (8 months after meeting online).
After moving to California I earned my Bachelors Degree in Film Production and married my fellow hockey fan. Prior to getting married I did what I could to lose weight before the wedding. Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. They work, but it wasn't something I could do long term apparently.
(Wedding day ~ 8/22/1998 ~ Pebble Beach, CA)
I had my first son in 1999 and reached my highest weight. Had my second son in 2002 and was "proud" that I maintained my heavy size. This was around the time Dr. Phil came out with his Ultimate Weight Loss Solution book. I was a fan of Dr. Phil, so I gobbled up all the information. I also read his Self Matters book and learned a lot about myself that I found helpful to my weight loss journey. I lost 60 pounds with Dr. Phil's knowledge. I joined a group of women who were all part of this same journey but then the women who didn't really have much weight to lose caused some distress between those of us who had a lot of weight to lose, so the group disbanded.
(Before and After ~ 60 pound weight loss and almost to wedding weight)
And shortly after that I became pregnant with my third child - my daughter. I had a lot of good eating habits, so I only gained the "recommended" 30 pounds during pregnancy. It was the 4 months of sitting on the couch with a newborn where the 60 pounds found it's way back to my body. That was 6 years ago and I'm back up to that same highest weight again. Over these last 6 years I have tried and failed at losing weight. I hate it. I feel like I'm the only fat mom at my kids school. I feel like the only fat chick at the pool. I feel like I'm the fattest person in the room - even though I feel completely invisible around other people (does that even make sense?).
(Most current picture - before getting those nasty roots touched up, but this is about weight not hair)
I became an Uppercase Living Independent Demonstrator - a direct sales business. Scared to stand in front of people, I dove right in. Over the last 5 years I've actually become a bit more confident, not ready for public speaking or anything but I've come such a long way.
So here I am again, a year before my 25th high school reunion with every intention of FINALLY shedding 100+ pounds to finally be FABULOUS in my FORTIES!!
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